Where Do Babies Come From?
by Hikari Midori-chan
Summary: Konohamaru and his friends just want to ask a simple question. So why is everyone avoiding them? OneShot R&R please!


Yeah, you can tell I was bored.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

"Iruka-sensei, where do babies come from?"

Iruka choked. The chuunin sensei had been drinking a healthy carton of whole milk until he heard the ever-so-dreaded question. Now his cherished green chuunin vest was covered in the white stuff. Curses.

Iruka stared down at the three children who had always seemed to be causing trouble around the academy. They were Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon a.k.a. the Konohamaru Crew.

"Well, sensei?" Konohamaru said with a demanding look on his young face.

"You surely know," Moegi said. "After all, you're the smartest sensei I know!"

"Yes, well," Iruka said, rubbing the back of his head. "I uh…why do you kids want to know?"

"The nice lady down the street from my house had a baby boy!" Udon explained. "And it just happened overnight! We don't know how!"

"Oh," Iruka said, panicking. "Well, you see…"

"Yes…?"

BRING!

"OH! It's the end of school already?" Iruka exclaimed. _Save by the bell!_ "Everyone file out quickly! I must tend to some, uh, errands! So goodbye!" With that being said, Iruka dashed out himself before the crowd of cheerful students.

"I guess Iruka-sensei doesn't know…" Moegi sighed.

"But I really wanna know…" Udon whined as he adjusted his glasses.

"We'll find out, don't worry!" Konohamaru said, confident. "And I know just the ninja to ask!"

---

"Oi…Ero-sennin…" Naruto said wearily.

"Shut up, squirt. I'm busy," Jiraiya said as stared through his telescope. He snickered repulsively and said, "Oooooh…very nice…_very nice_…"

"You're sickening," Naruto said with disgust. He snatched Jiraiya's telescope and peered through it. "What're you looking at that's so—"

"NARUTO YOU PERVERT!"

SLAP!

"Augh!" Naruto nearly fell off the roof as a feminine hand connected with his now-pulsing cheek. "S-Sa-Sakura-chan!"

Sakura had her hand outstretched and was breathing heavily. "I _thought _I saw you peeking in the women's hot springs up here!"

Jiraiya shook his head as if he were disappointed in Naruto. "Tsk, tsk, Naruto. The little lady's right."

"You…" Naruto growled, rubbing his cheek.

"Can I have my telescope back?"

"Naruto-niisan!"

"Eh?" Naruto turned around to see three kids running towards him. "How's everyone getting up here?"

"The stairs!" Konohamaru piped.

"Oh…"

"Anyway, we came to ask you a question!" Konohamaru said. "'Cause you probably know the answer!"

"We asked Iruka-sensei and he didn't know," Moegi added.

"If Iruka-sensei didn't know then I doubt Naruto does," Sakura said as she crossed her arms.

"What do you wanna ask then?" Naruto said, ignoring Sakura's comment and puffing out his chest.

"Where do babies come from?"

Naruto's chest deflated. "…Huh…babies?"

Jiraiya knocked Naruto off to the side and leaned in close to the children who backed away instinctively. "Glad you asked, children! Hee, hee, I know _exactly _where babies come from and I can explain it in excruciating deta—"

Now it was Sakura's turn to push Jiraiya out of the way. "Heh, heh, don't listen to this old hermit, guys!" Sakura said quickly, waving her hands in the air.

"Then do you know?" Moegi asked innocently.

"Eh…" Sakura sweat dropped. "Yeah…but it's a secret! You get to learn when you're a genin!" _Genius, Sakura! You're a genius! _"So, I can't tell you. Sorry!" With that, she disappeared.

"Genin…huh?" Konohamaru said thoughtfully.

---

"Man! Sensei's gone crazy with the training lately!" Kiba exclaimed, latching his hands behind his head lazily. "Huh, Hinata?"

"Y-Yeah…" Hinata agreed quietly.

"For us to improve, we must train harder," Shino said simply.

Kiba stared at Shino. "Well yeah, but she doesn't have to go Gai-sensei on us."

Shino shrugged.

Kiba sighed loudly. "You're absolutely no fun, Shino."

Akamaru barked.

"Yeah, I know."

Shino stared at Kiba questioningly, though the Inuzuka didn't notice.

"Oi!"

"Hm?"

Team Eight turned simultaneously and saw the trio of ninja-in-training.

"H-Hello children…" Hinata greeted.

"You guys are genin, right?" Konohamaru asked.

"Yeah, but we're gonna be chuunin soon!" Kiba declared. "Right guys?"

"R-Right!"

"Bark!"

"Yeah, well, we wanna know something," Konohamaru said. "And since you guys are genin, you should know!"

"Okay, shoot, little man," Kiba said.

"Where do babies come from?"

Hinata's face suddenly turned red and she fell over. Luckily, her teammates were there to catch her right before she hit the ground.

"_Babies_?" Kiba said; his eyes were wide. "You wanna know where babies come from?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Uh, well," Kiba said, handing Hinata over to Shino and kneeling down to meet the kids' heights. "You see…um…" He spotted Akamaru and immediately picked him up. "People…are like dogs."

"Arf?"

"Just play along, Akamaru," Kiba whispered.

"Dogs?" the kids repeated.

"Yeah!" Kiba nodded knowingly. "And babies are like puppies. And—"

"Kiba," Shino interrupted. "I will take Hinata back to her home."

"I'll come with you!" Kiba said suddenly, jumping up and sprinting away.

Shino raised an eyebrow but nonetheless, walked away with Kiba.

"We shouldn't have asked _them_!" Moegi exclaimed. "They didn't know!"

"Then we'll just ask someone else!" Konohamaru declared. "Like the guy with an IQ over 200!"

"You mean him?" Udon pointed.

Sure enough, Shikamaru could be seen through the window if the Yamanaka Flower Shop talking to Ino. Chouji was standing beside him with his on-the-go bag of barbecue-flavored chips.

The kids immediately set off. The bell hanging above the door rang, but the cashier didn't seem to notice the children.

"No, Shikamaru! My mom's sick so I have to tend to the shop for her! It'd be okay if I skip training once!"

"You know how Asuma gets," Shikamaru sighed, not looking like he wanted to be there. "But I guess if you can't you can—"

"'Scuse me!"

"Huh?" Shikamaru looked down. "Oh. It's you three."

"You're the smart one, right?"

"You could say that."  
"Well, do you know where babies come from?" Konohamaru asked, tired of repeating his question for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, I do," Shikamaru said, his hands deep in his pockets. "But it'd be too troublesome to explain to kids as young as you."

Without another word, Shikamaru left.

Chouji was confused for a second then followed Shikamaru before the young'uns could ask _him _the question.

"Oh, you shouldn't ask Shikamaru a question like _that_," Ino said to the trio, smiling sweetly. "You can just ask Ino-neechan!"

"Really?" Moegi said with relief. "Then you know!"

"That's right," Ino said. "Babies come from above!"

"…They do?"

"That's right! A baby is a gift from above, haven't you ever heard that expression?"

"Now that you mention it…"

"Yep!" Ino's eyes had suddenly gotten starry. "Babies descend from heaven! All the good people who've died get a chance to be reborn into the world!"

"Is that why Naruto-niisan looks so much like Yondaime?"

"Uh, yes!" Ino said, nodding.

"Wow, Ino-neechan!" Moegi exclaimed.

"Now run along, I have to work!" Ino said, pushing the children out courteously.

"I don't really believe her…" Udon confessed as soon as Ino had shut the door.

"How can you say that?" Moegi demanded, bopping Udon on the head.

"Just to make sure, maybe we should ask someone older!" Konohamaru reasoned.

It was then that Gai came running by followed by his team.

"Come, my students! Only seventy-three more laps to go!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" Lee saluted, speeding up his pace.

"I hate you two," Neji muttered.

"I can't feel my legs," Tenten groaned. "Gai-sensei, how about a break? I uh, skipped breakfast!"

Gai gasped and screeched to a stop resulting in Lee knocking into Gai then Neji and Tenten knocking into Lee so that they were all a big heap on the floor.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Tenten, you know that!" Gai exclaimed. He jumped up and pointed dramatically towards the sun. "I will fetch a healthy meal for the four of us to share! I'll be back soon!"

As Gai left, his students brushed themselves off.

"Team Gai are all teenagers!" Konohamaru exclaimed. "_They'll _know for sure!"

Neji noticed the three first. "Little people are charging toward us."

Before Lee and Tenten could question Neji, they saw the Konohamaru Crew as well.

"Well, well, what can we do for you three?" Tenten asked, crouching down.

"Where do babies come from?"

"Uh…babies…?"

"I know!" Lee exclaimed. "Babies are brought by the stork!" Lee pumped his outstretched arms up and down as if mimicking a flying bird. Suddenly, he grabbed Neji and started to pull him around. "The stork brings babies from his nest and then drops them in a rooftop! Let us give them a demonstration, Neji!"

Neji slapped Lee's hand away. "That was uncalled for," he said coldly. "And babies don't come from the stork, dimwit."

"Then where do they come from, Neji?" Lee said blankly.

Neji's cheeks turned slightly pink and he averted his eyes. "I'd rather not say." He stared down at the trio and said, "Children as young as you shouldn't have the need to know."

"Oh, come off it, Neji," Tenten said as she turned to the kids. "I'll tell you where they come from. You'll find out later any—"

"I'M BACK!"

"EEK!" Tenten fell over as her sensei appeared out of nowhere.

"Did someone say something about where babies come from?" Gai asked as he dropped the MacDonald's breakfast meals on the ground.

"Er…Konohamaru here wanted to know where they—" Tenten started.

"I KNOW!" Gai hollered cheerfully. "I shall enlighten you all! It's about time I told you all about the birds and the bees!"

"I already _know _about the birds and the bees," Neji said, crossing his arms. He was not at all happy with how this day was turning out.

"That may very well be, Neji, but there's no harm in a review!"

Neji slapped his forehead.

"Now, everyone sit in a circle!"

Lee and the children sat down without second thoughts. Tenten sighed and decided there was no arguing with her exuberant sensei. Neji was the only one left standing.

"I said _everyone_, Neji!"

"No."

"SIT DOWN!"

Neji sat down with a glare.

"Good!" Gai grinned widely. "Now, we'll commence with the birds and the bees!" He pulled out two crude puppets from behind his back. One had long hair made of yarn and the other had short black hair suspiciously cut into a bowl-shaped hairdo and eyebrows glued on.

Everyone save Lee and Gai sweat dropped.

"When a boy meets a girl, they're liable to fall in love," Gai said, making the puppets bounce up and down. "And when they fall in love, they become girlfriend and boyfriend and do a whole lot of youthful things!" he continued. "Together, they get married and soon have a child! Well, I suppose they don't _need _to be married to have a child…but that would be most _not _youthful! Why, I used to have this friend—"

"Sensei…?" Tenten said uncertainly.

"Right, right! I'm off topic! Anyway, the two get together and…"

"And…?" the Konohamaru Crew repeated curiously, leaning forward.

"…They wait for the stork to bring their baby!"

"See? _Told _you, Neji!" Lee said, pointing a finger playfully towards Neji in a 'I was right and you were wrong' way.

Neji was gaping at his sensei, then Lee. Then, shutting his mouth and shaking his head he said, "Both of you…are idiots."

"That's not how—"

"Well, that's the truth, kiddies!" Gai exclaimed deafeningly, ruffling Konohamaru and Udon's hair. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we have seventy-three laps to complete! Come along, students!"

"ROGER!"

Neji and Tenten sighed and followed.

"Oh wow! We've gotta go tell Iruka-sensei!" Moegi exclaimed. "He'll be happy to know something new!"

* * *

R&R please! Boy, odd stories sure pop into one's mind when they're bored to tears... 

-HM


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